To be honest, I didn’t think choosing a preschool would be so hard.  I remember when Des was just barely 1, my friend Sarah (whose daughter is just 2 months older than Des) started talking to me about preschool and schooling in general.  And I remember going home and telling Ricky about it and being like, pssh, we don’t even need to worry about that until Des is like almost 3.  Then, when Des hit 2, I started freaking out.  I started hearing about wait lists and requirements and Waldorf schools versus traditional schools, etc…  And I remember telling Ricky, holy shit, Sarah was so right to be thinking about this over a year ago.

So I started looking into schools.  I looked into Waldorf schools, I looked into private schools, and I even, for a brief moment, thought about homeschooling.  But then I remembered how lazy I am and knew that my kids would never learn anything if I was in charge of their education.

Anyway, since Sarah is a hardcore researcher, I started picking her brain about it too.  And while we talked, she mentioned the preschool they were considering for Charlotte.  It’s a French immersion school, and is a co-op (which, since I had no idea what that means, I’ll explain it here.  Basically, it’s a cooperative parent school.  So the parents are involved.  You have to volunteer a certain amount of days in the classroom.  And you help with chores.  For example, I’ve signed up for the kitchen laundry.  So every other week, I do the laundry for them).

After hearing Sarah talk about it, I decided to check it out.  I went on a tour, and fell in love with it.  It’s a very small private school, and is very sensory based.  The kids are very involved in everything and are taught to explore.  And I love that.  Plus, they’ll spend 70% of their day speaking French.

And for me, that was the cincher.  For Ricky and me, it’s very important for our kids to learn foreign languages.  We both believe that this will come in handy in their life and career, as well as help their brain development and ability to learn.  And while French may not be as prevalent here, we actually prefer this.  We want him to learn a language that he might not come in contact with at his high school.  We know he’ll have access to Spanish and Italian (via my sister), but he might not have access to French.  So why not take advantage of the opportunity now?

So we enrolled him.  And I gotta say, I’m pretty freaking excited about this.

Who knows, maybe I’ll learn French too

2. She’s a vampire.  That girl loves to bite me.  She constantly bites my arms and legs, and while it occasionally hurts, it cracks me up.

3. She loves to nurse.  She will climb up onto my lap and try to pull down my shirt so she can nurse.  And when she can’t get to my breast, she cries and gets frustrated. She loves to nurse so much that she refuses to go to bed unless she nurses to sleep (which makes it impossible for anyone else to put her to bed).

4. Almost every single time I go to get Isla out of her crib from waking up, she’s standing up and she starts dancing when I walk in the room.  I. LOVE. THIS.

5. She thinks she’s tough, but she’s really a big chicken.  Isla acts like she’s tough and will screech and holler all day, but she’s terrified of my parents’ dog (who is tiny, by the way).  Watching her try to crawl away as fast as she can from the dog cracks me up (yes, I’m a mean mom like that).

6. She’s super ticklish.  Isla is my 0nly child who is crazy ticklish like I was as a kid.  Tickling her is so much fun and she loves it.

7. She’s a talker.  All day, every day, Isla talks to me.  She babbles along, tries to sing when music is on, and just screeches and hollers every 5 minutes.  It’s never quiet when Isla’s around.

8. She’s one determined girl.  No matter how many roadblocks I put up to prevent Isla from getting to something, she’ll do whatever it takes to get it.  She doesn’t give up.

9. She loves her sister and brother.  As much as those two girls can be rough with each other, they definitely love each other.  I constantly see Isla standing in her crib, looking over at Scarlett and talking to her when I put them down for naps. And whenever Des comes in the room, Isla starts screaming with joy and dancing.

10. She’s my flirt.  Isla knows how to ham it up and loves to get attention.  She’ll tilt her head to the side and place her hand on her cheek, smiles at everyone, and flirts and giggles with just about anyone.  It’s freaking adorable.

Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you’re enjoying your presents and feeling loved and appreciated.

Mom, to be honest, I’m not quite sure how to write a Mother’s Day letter to you.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to say.  In fact, it’s the exact opposite.  I have so much to say and convey and I feel like there aren’t enough words to express my gratitude and love for you.

Mom, I don’t think you’ll ever know how grateful I am for you. Since becoming a mother myself, I’ve gained an immense appreciation for all  the work you’ve done and continue to do for our family.  All the meals you made, all the clothes you washed and put away, all the doctor appointments, school trips, and sport activities you took us to or helped with.  And all the late nights when you’d stay up with us when we were sick, rubbing our tummies and singing us to sleep.

Before having my kids, it was so easy to take you for granted and to only notice the faults.  But now that I’m a mom, now that I know how incredibly hard it is, how exhausting it is, how it is a constant job, I an constantly in awe of what an amazing woman you are.  I really don’t know how you did it.  With all the hours Dad worked, the overtimes he took, the classes he taught – I don’t know how you were able to raise us 3 kids and keep your wits about you.

And even though your kids are all grown. you still continue to help us.  I know that I can honestly say that there is no way I would have made it through my pregnancy with the girls and life with all three of my kids without you.  I really don’t think I can ever express how incredibly thankful I am for you.  Despite being sick, despite having to go through chemo and deal with 2 auto-immune diseases, despite feeling like crap, you helped (and continue to help) me with my kids.  You selflessly give up your time to give me a break, something that you don’t need to do and aren’t expected to do, but do it anyway. And I am, and will always be, so incredibly thankful for all the help you’ve given me.

I also just wanted to say thank you for being my friend.  Sometimes, being a stay at home mom can be a really lonely thing.  But I always know I can call you.  Our daily (actually, usually twice a day) FaceTime sessions are something I look forward to every day.  I love knowing that I can talk to you, vent about my day, brag about my kids, and just have an adult conversation with someone.  I love that you don’t care if I call you, talk for 30 minutes, hang up, and then call you back 5 minutes later because I forgot to tell you something that the kids did that was just so freaking cute.  I’m beyond grateful that you call me to check on me, to make sure I’m okay, and that every time I seem down/stressed/overwhelmed or Ricky’s working a 72, you tell me to come over and stay with you.  And you never make me feel like I’m a nuisance or inconvenience.

And I’m beyond grateful for how much you love my kids.  Growing up, I had such a great relationship with Grandma and it’s something I’ve always wanted for my kids.  And I know that they’ll have it with you.  I love how you rock my girls to sleep, how you love to get them up from their naps, and how you love to feed them (which is also just a nice break for me, so thank you again).  I love how you smother Des with kisses and let him help you bake.  I love (and he does too) how you let him be your taste tester when you make whipped cream and cookies.  I love that you have special bonds with him – that only he and Nonna can give Piccola her biscuits, or that when we get to your house, he asks for you.  And the fact that if you haven’t seen my kids for a day or so, you FaceTime me to see them and talk to each of them.  Your relationship with them, your love for them, is something that I cherish and hold very dear.  It brings joy to my heart.

So Mom, thank you.  Thank for you being my friend; for loving me despite my faults and annoyances; for accepting me for who I am, even when that disappoints you; for loving my kids and my husband as if they are your own kids; and for all the things you do for me, even when I don’t notice them or say thank you for them.

Thank you so much for being such an amazing mom.

I love you and am thankful for you more than I could every say,

Scout

2.  When I say the word “milk” or do the sign for it, she about dies from joy.  That girl loves nursing more than anything in the world.  She yelps and crawls as fast as she can to me.

3. She is a hardcore momma’s girl.  She loves to be in my arms and will cry if I hold Isla instead of her.

4. She never fights going to sleep.  When I put her down for her nap or to go to bed, she just lies down and goes to sleep.  If she ever cries, it’s because she’s either pooped, is hungry, or is in pain.  She never just cries to cry.  I don’t think she’ll ever know how much easier she makes my life because of this.

5.  She loves her sister.  She get so excited to see Isla and will screech when Isla comes in the room.

6. Scarlett is a nurturer.  As much as she can be a little aggressive sometimes, she’s also incredibly sweet and kind.  So often I will find her rubbing Isla’s back or her head.  So freaking sweet.

7.  She’s dramatic.  If Scars gets upset, she will throw herself down on the floor and do this fake cry.  She stops about 10 seconds later when she realizes no one is running to give her what she wants.  She’ll then just get over it and go play.

8.  She is such a sweet, shy girl.  When she meets someone new, she tends to hide in my arms and get super shy.

9. She’s not easily scared.  By far, Scarlett is our bravest child.  She loves to explore and doesn’t get scared easily.  When Des was her age, he was freaked out by grass.  Scarlett, on the other hand, loves to roll around in the grass.  Anything new or different is exciting to her.

10.  She’s inquisitive.  Scarlett is always checking everything out.  She’s definitely a people watcher and loves to see what everyone’s doing.  You can tell that she’s always trying to figure out how things work and what makes them function.  Ricky’s already planning all of their science experiments for the future.

But that night, he sat down and went poop.  Ricky and I were both in the bathroom with him (the girls were already asleep) and once Des felt like he had to go, he made me leave.  Apparently, only Ricky was allowed to be there for the momentous occasion.

But since that night, he has continually pooped in the toilet.  He’s only had 2 accidents, one which was when he had the runs, and the other was when I think he basically sharted.  But he’s been amazing at telling us when he has to go and is actually excited to go in the toilet.  Of course, the fact that we give him a cookie afterwards doesn’t deter from his excitement either.

And I gotta say, not having the change poopy diapers on him is pretty freaking awesome.  Don’t get me wrong – I still have to wipe him, but it’s just a whole lot cleaner than when he’s squished his poop against his butt cheeks.

So now we’re working on peeing in the toilet.  He’s not very good about telling us when he has to go, and definitely still prefers peeing in his diaper.  But he’s getting better about it.

And I gotta say, I never thought potty training would be this easy or something I’d be so freaking excited about.

Initially, we just thought he had a bad dream and asked to sleep in our bed because of it.  And since he never sleeps in our bed and doesn’t really like to cuddle, we agreed to let him.

But that was over 3 weeks ago.  And with the exception of 2 nights, he has slept in our bed every single night.  And when night time is the only time that you’re really able to spend any quality time with your spouse, having a two year old in the bed is kind of an intimacy killer.

Instead of being able to cuddle with each other and talk about our day, Ricky and I are separated by a little two year old body.  One that kicks, hits, and sleeps in the most random of positions.  One that insists upon sleeping with his head on my shoulder, causing me to wake up at 2 am with a dead arm.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love that Des wants to cuddle now and snuggle with us.  I love that he enjoys being around us.  I just wish it didn’t have to be every single night.  Once or twice a week would be fine.

But I guess if there’s any silver lining to this it’s that I’m trying hard throughout the day to cuddle with Ricky.  To hold him when we’re hanging out with all the kids, to kiss him more, and just talk a whole lot more about what’s going on in our lives.

And I’m definitely taking advantage of the kids’ nap times. 

Since then, I’ve been waiting to take a picture of Isla that would emulate her personality.  And the other day, Ricky got it.

To me, this picture perfectly captures Isla.

Isla is my wild child.  She’s a fire cracker.  She’s loud, adventurous, and full of personality.  The only time she’s quiet is if she’s sick.  And even then, she’s still louder than Scarlett.  She’s just quiet for her.

I look at this picture of her and laugh. And that totally fits Isla.  Every single day, that girl makes me laugh.  She’s so silly and goofy and just loves to have fun.  She loves to dance, to wave her arms in the air, and to screech with excitement about anything and everything.

And she’s one stubborn girl.  She doesn’t take crap from any of us.  She’s smaller than Scarlett by a few ounces, but she climbs on Scarlett and dominates her.  She follows Des around the house and takes his toys from him.

But she’s also so incredibly sweet.  She loves to hold onto my legs and constantly tries to give me raspberries.  She squeals with delight when I go to get her in the morning and loves to sleep with me.  She stands in her crib most mornings and leans over to Scarlett’s side and babbles away to her sister.

So when I see that picture, I feel like it shows the definition of Isla.  It shows that she’s one sweet, loud, little fire cracker.

It started on Friday.  Des had his seizure and we spent the day rushing from doctor to hospital to back to my parents to get the girls.  All in the pouring rain.  When we weren’t driving like lunatics, we were focused on Des and making sure he was okay and not seizing again.  I spent the night in a panic, not sleeping that well and constantly checking his monitor to make sure he was okay.

Saturday, Des had another seizure.  He didn’t convulse again, just more of the staring off spell type.  So again, we spent the day worried and stressed.

Then Monday, I went back to my parents’ house to take my cat (that they basically adopted when I left home) to the vet.  She’s been pretty sick and we all kind of thought that this might be the end.  The vet checked her out and we talked over her prognosis and decided it was best to euthanize her.  To be honest, I really didn’t think I’d be that upset.  I love animals, but since having kids, my love for animals has definitely decreased.  And this cat was a stereotypical cat.  She didn’t socialize, hid all day, and only came out when she wanted something.  So it wasn’t like we had some amazing bond.  But I decided to stay with her until the end because I didn’t want her to be alone with strangers.  And when they put her to sleep, I bawled my eyes out.  I think the vet was shocked because I had been so calm before, and then I was suddenly a mess (doesn’t help that I’d been stressed out for the last few days).  So I just cried.  And then I went to my car and called Ricky and cried to him.

Anyway, when I got back to my parents’ (okay, random side note here, but is it parents’ or parent’s?  I can never remember), I checked the girls and found that they were running low grade fevers.  They’ve both been teething so I kind of just chalked it up to that and gave them some meds.  But then, by 10 that night, Isla was running a 101 fever, which is pretty high for her with teething.  So I called Ricky and told him that we needed to take them in the next day to the doctor to make sure they didn’t have UTIs.

So Tuesday, we went to the doctor.  And he checked both girls and their urine.  And both were clean.  Their ears looked fine, they weren’t coughing or had any signs of a cold.  But they were both now running 101 fevers (even with Tylenol).  He said that it was probably just a virus and to keep their temps down, but it would have to run its course.

Wednesday was by far the worst day.  Ricky and I were up with the girls from 1-3:30 in the morning because they both had 102 temps and we couldn’t get them to break.  We stripped them to their diapers and were putting cool, damp towels on them.  Once we finally got the fevers to go down, we put the girls back to bed and conked out.  Ricky left for work a few hours later and I stayed asleep.  Again, we were at my parents’ house (we pretty much are there all the time – my poor parents).  Anyway, Des woke up at around 10 and my mom heard him.  I was still dead to the world asleep, so she went into get him for me.

The next thing I know, I’m being woken up to a blood curdling scream.  My first thought was that Des was having a grand mal seizure and my mom was screaming for my dad.  I ripped out of bed and ran to his room.  I rushed in to see him and my mom in the bathroom with blood pouring out of Des’ mouth.  When my mom had gone into get him, Des had gotten excited and started jumping in his crib.  He slipped and rammed his chin into the crib railing, biting his tongue.  And it was bleeding like crazy.

We tried putting pressure on it with towels, but it just kept bleeding.  At this point, my adrenaline is slowing down and I’m starting to feel sick from having such an adrenaline rush.  I’m trying to help my mom and dad and comfort Des all while wanting to puke.  I end up going and sitting down so I don’t puke and calling the doctor.  He’s not in that day, but the receptionist tells us to put a tea bag on his tongue.  For some reason, that clots the blood.  So we do, and lo and behold, it clots.

We clean up all the blood, get Des calm, and go downstairs to eat breakfast.  We try to get Des to eat only soft foods like yogurt and even make him a milkshake.  But he doesn’t want any of it.  Then, he starts messing with his tongue in his mouth and scrapes it against his teeth.  And the cut reopens and starts gushing blood again.

We start putting tea bags on it again, but they’re not working this time.  It just keeps bleeding.  After what has been a total of 2 hours since it first happened, the cut is still not clotting and Des is getting pale.  I decide to take him into the ER.

So my dad and I go to the ER.  Of course, once we get there and get checked in, Des’ tongue stops bleeding (doesn’t that always happen)?  Nevertheless, we wait for 3 hours to be seen by a doctor.  He tells me to just keep it clean, only let Des eat soft foods and nothing gritty.

We leave, go home, I finally eat something, and then I get all the kids down for naps.  The girls are still running fevers, but only like 99 degrees.  I literally just finish nursing them and then I take off the drive to another hospital to have an MRI done on me.  I’d been having horrific headaches and they wanted to check out my brain since pain meds weren’t working (turns out it was just a reaction to a medicine I was on).  Anyway, I do the MRI and then drive back to my parents’ house (which is about 45 minutes away).

I get there, check Des (he’s doing fine) and then check the girls.  Isla has a 102 temp and Scar has a 103.  I pump them full of Tylenol and strip them of their clothes.  I get icy cold towels and start putting them on the girls.  A half hour later, I take their temps again.  Isla is now 103 and Scar is 104.

So I pack them up and head back to the ER.  I went to the ER my sister in law works at (she was on duty), which is about 30 minutes away from my parents’ house.  There’s no parking near the ER entrance, so I have to park on the opposite side of the parking structure.  I then have to carry both girls in their car seats to the ER entrance.  I seriously thought my arms were going to fall off.

We get taken back right away, and the girls are still running high grade temps.  A doctor comes and sees us.  He checks the girls’ ears and says they are full of wax.  He cleans them (which angers the both girls and sends them into crying fits).  He then checks their ears again and says they are red.  He says they have ear infections.  So he prescribes antibiotics.

At this point, Ricky arrives and we pack the girls up to head home.  Ricky takes in their prescriptions and I head back to my parents’ house.  By the time Ricky gets home and we get the girls their meds, it’s after midnight.  The girls’ fevers had gone down to about 99 again.

Thursday, we monitor all 3 kids and make sure everyone’s okay.

Friday, we take the girls back into our doctor for a follow-up.  This is now our 3rd doctor visit in a week (after 3 ER visits).  Our doctor checks them out and says their ears are fine.  They do have some wax, but there’s no infection.  He cleans their ears (we had to use the water cleaning style on Scarlett.  She screamed.  It was awful).  Our doctor says it’s Roseola virus and to just let it run its course.

He was right.  Two days later, the girls’ fevers broke and they got little rashes on their chests (typical signs of Roseola).

So that was our week. It was honestly the most tiring, stressful, overwhelming week I’ve ever had with my kids.  And I’m praying that it always will be.  I don’t want to go through anything worse than all of that.

I called and talked to the receptionist.  She was super nice and said the results had been sent (I found out later that they had mailed them rather than faxing them.  Why, I don’t know).  Anyway, after I talked to her about getting the results (which she said our doctor would have to call for them), I told her that I wanted to make a complaint about the tech.  So she transferred me to the supervisor.  I talked to her, told her what happened and what he said, and she was super nice about it.  She agreed it was inappropriate and said that she would like me to email her about it.  So I did.  Whether or not she actually does something and talks to the tech, I have no idea.  But at least I voiced my complaint and hopefully he will learn to be more polite/not such a jerk.

Anyway, our doctor called about 10 minutes later and said that the EEG came back normal.  This wasn’t that surprising since most EEGs need to be done when a child is sleep deprived and Des wasn’t.  Our doctor told us that we need to see the neurologist and that doctor may do another EEG.  He may want us to do an EEG where Des is sleep deprived or may have us do a 24 hour EEG.

So that’s basically where we’re at.  I’m still waiting to hear if we can get into another neurologist at an earlier date, but in the meantime, I’m calling our original neurologist’s office to see if there’s any cancellations.

For the most part, Des is doing okay.  He’s been a little bit clinger than normal and is not sleeping very well.  He’s also a bit aggressive for him.  Ricky and I looked up his meds and these are normal side effects for it.  If I can’t get into a neurologist soon, I’m going to call our doctor and see if there’s something else we can put him on.

He did have another absence seizure today.  It was only about 5-7 seconds long and he just stared off into space.  I said his name a few times, he didn’t respond, and I snapped my fingers in his face.  He still didn’t respond, but came out of it a second later.

I really wish we could get into a neurologist tomorrow.

To be honest, I find this a little ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong – I know that doctors are busy and sometimes things take awhile. But it’s been over a week. And we were told we’d have the results by last Monday or Tuesday at the latest.

And not knowing what the test shows or doesn’t show hasn’t been helping with our already hellish week. Seriously, this was the week from hell. I had to take the kids to the doctor’s 3 different times, as well as to the ER 3 different times. It was insane. But I’m too tired right now to write about it, so I’ll post more about it later, probably tomorrow.

But, we did get Des an appointment with a pediatric neurologist. But we can’t get in until July. JULY! It’s insane. I asked the receptionist if they had a cancellation list that I could be put on, and they don’t. She told me I could call every day and see if someone’s canceled. So guess what I’ll be doing for the next 3 months every morning?

We’re looking at trying to get into another pediatric neurologist instead. Hopefully we can get in somewhere earlier.

So that’s where we’re at. Sorry, I just reread this post and feel like I’m griping so much. And really, that’s not my intention. It’s just been a very long week and I’m tired and I guess in a complaining sort of mood. But really, I am grateful too. I’m so thankful that Des is doing okay, that he hasn’t had anymore seizures (at least that we know of) and that the meds really seem to be helping. I’m glad he’s not a drone from them and that he’s still his crazy self.

And I’m so grateful to all of you for your kind words and prayers. They really do mean a lot. So thank you.