A Firefighter's Wife

Scarlett and Isla,

Happy 7 months, girls!  Things around here have been crazy lately, thus why I’m writing a joint letter you to girls.  I’d love to write you each an individual letter, but sometimes, life just gets too hectic.  Plus, this letter is over a week late, so I just wanted to get something down before you hit 8 months.

Girls, you are growing so fast! You both can roll from 360 degrees. And you both love to roll.  You guys will roll all over the house, bonking into the walls, couches, toys, and each other.  You never seem to tire of it and love it.  You both are starting to scoot a little, but Scarlett definitely is closer to crawling.  Scars, you are trying so hard to get up on all fours, but haven’t quite gotten there yet.  Sometimes I help you get up, and you love it.  You’ll wobble there for a few minutes, try to move forward, and just plop down.  But you laugh and smile.

Isley, you’re not quite there yet.  You will occasionally try to pull your legs under you, but for the most part, you’re just happy to scoot on your tummy.  When I do help you, you usually won’t lift up your head and just fall back down.  And you don’t like it.  But I know that once you both figure it out, you two will be non-stop going.  So I’m okay with you taking your time.

You girls are both also trying to pull yourselves up in your cribs.  You both will scoot over to the rails, and try so hard to pull yourselves into the sitting position.  You haven’t quite done it yet, but I’m terrified for when you do.  I know it’s going to be crazy and I won’t be able to turn my back on either of you for a second.

Ladybugs, by far, the cutest thing about you guys this month has been how excited you get to see each other.  When you guys spot each other, you both light up and start smiling and giggling.  You both are so happy to see one another and love to play together.  In fact, if one of you is upset, I’ll bring your sister over to play with you and whoever was unhappy is now suddenly in the best mood ever.  I love it.  I love seeing how much you guys love each other and want to hang out.  It seriously makes my heart so happy and brings me more joy than you’ll know.  I hope you guys continue to feel that way.

Neither one of you has a tooth yet, and to be honest, it’s driving me crazy.  You have been teething since you were about 3.5 months, and there’s nothing.  Nada.  Not even a hint of a tooth about to pop through.  Having to hear you guys fuss and cry from the pain is awful, and I really just want these damn teeth to get out already.  Even if it means I might have some teeth marks in my nipples after feeding you.

Girls, I really do love you both so much.  I’m constantly amazed by you both and feel so lucky to be your Momma.

I love you more than you know,

Momma

Des,

You turned 28 months over a week ago.  I’m so sorry this letter is so late, but things around here have been insane.  Between your sister’s UTI and all of us being sick, I just haven’t had a moment to sit down and write this to you.  And I apologize for that.

My boy, I love you so much, but lately, you have really been testing your limits with us.  You are constantly seeing what you can get away with and at what point your Dad and I are going to start freaking out.  And I gotta say, dealing with this has been exhausting.  You fight us on everything, whether it’s taking a bath, putting on shoes, eating your food (even food you like), or letting us change your diaper.  And as much as I know that this is natural, that it’s just a part of childhood, I gotta say, I really don’t like it.  I’m not the most patient person in the world (you’ll figure this out soon, if you haven’t already) and dealing with a kid who is refusing to listen to me and do as he told drives me crazy.  And because of this, because you want to see what you can get away with, you’ve been spending lots of time in timeouts.

And this is something you hate. You hate when we make you go to your room and sit in there for all of 2 minutes.  You cry and yell and act as if we’re murdering you.  And I hate that you feel that way.  I don’t want to go through this, and I really don’t like disciplining you, but I know it’s something that’s needed and has to be done.

But, in happier news, you are really grasping colors, numbers, and letters.  You still haven’t mastered your ABC’s, but you can recognize certain letters (like S and A) and will point them out to us.  You also know the basic colors and love to tell them to us.  And just a few weeks ago, I overheard you counting to 10 all by yourself.  Honestly, the way I reacted, you would have thought that you just cured cancer.  I whooped and hollered and told you over and over again how amazing and smart you are.  Then, when I tried to get you to count with me, you refused.  And you refused to count for your dad for weeks.  But we’ve both heard you again now and you’ll count with us (sometimes), so we’re happy about that.

You’ve also become a master at telling your sisters apart and will inform people who is who.  You also like to talk to them, telling them good morning sister when you wake up, and giving them kisses.  You’ve also realized that you can reach in and hit whatever sister is sitting next to you in the car, so we’ve had to keep a closer eye on you.  But overall, you’re very gentle with them and love to help out with them (something I greatly appreciate).

My love, every month, I’m amazed by you.  I’m shocked by how much you grow, how much you learn, how well you speak, how easily you understand things.  Watching you grow has been by far the greatest adventure of my life – and I’ve loved every minute of it.

So keep growing, my boy, and thanks for letting us tag along for the journey.

We love you more than you know,

Momma and Daddy

I have a new TV show that I’m obsessed with: The Misfits.  It’s a British show about a bunch of kids who are troublemakers and wind up with superpowers.  I know my description doesn’t sound great, but it doesn’t do it justice.  Really, it doesn’t.

My friend Tiffany told me about the show a while ago, but I just never really had time to check it out.  Then it was brought to Hulu, and the other night, Ricky clicked on it to watch it.  And we’ve become obsessed with it.  Every night when the kids go to bed, we sit down with a snack (usually Mexican hot chocolate and toast, which are our other newest obsessions lately) and watch an episode.  There are only 6 or so episodes a season, so we’ve already gotten through the first season.  And we loved it.  We were cracking up.

So if you’re looking for a funny, interesting show to watch, I highly recommend it.  But just a warning for you modest folks, it’s a little vulgar and sexual at times.

Anyway, I gotta go.  We’re going to go start season 2.

The doctor’s office called this afternoon.  From the moment I woke up until they called, I was on pins and needles.  I took my phone with me everywhere.  To the bathroom, to Des’ room when I changed his diaper, to the laundry room when I started the new load.  It was never not by my side.

So when the phone rang and it was the doctor’s number, I was terrified and relieved all at the same time.  Terrified that I was about to hear something awful, but relieved they were finally calling and I hadn’t missed it.  I quickly answered it and talked with the nurse.  And she gave me great news.

Scarlett’s ultrasound came back fine.  Her kidneys and bladder all look healthy and great.  Honestly, hearing that was amazing, but it took a second for it to sink in.  And once it did, I was ecstatic.  I thanked the nurse over and over again for calling me and letting me know.  I think she thought I was a weirdo.

She informed me that our doctor still wants us to keep our appointment with the urology specialist at CHOC.  Apparently it’s really hard to get into CHOC, so I think he wants us to keep that appointment in case her infection isn’t gone.  We are also to go back into our doctor next week to have Scar’s urine tested again to see if the infection has cleared up.  I’m praying that the infection will be gone and that there won’t be a need for us to see the specialist.

But I really don’t think I can say how relieved I am enough.  I know that the infection might still be there, but knowing that her kidneys haven’t been effected by it reduces so much worry and stress for me.

And it just makes me happy that my girl is (hopefully) getting better.

We took Scarlett in last week for her follow up on her UTI.  When we took her to the hospital and they diagnosed it, they put her on an IV antibiotic there and sent us home with antibiotics.  She was on the home ones for 1o days.  So, about a week after she finished the antibiotics, we took her back to our primary doctor to have her checked.  And to be honest, I kind of had thought it was going to be a waste of time.  Since she started the antibiotics, she had seemed like she was feeling immensely better.  She was laughing, giggling, and much more alert.  So I figured we’d get there, they’d check her urine, and we’d be on our merry way.

But that wasn’t the case.  They bagged her (our doctor doesn’t like to do catheters because they can cause UTIs) and we waited for her to pee.  After about 15 minutes, she finally went and the nurse took her urine to check it.  She came back in and informed me that Scarlett still had a UTI.  A really bad UTI.  That there was still a lot of bacteria and some blood in the urine.

When Scar got sick with her high fever, I tried really hard to not panic.  Because of Ricky’s job, I know how frustrating it is for paramedics, nurses, doctors, or just about anyone in the medical field when the parents flip out on them.  The last thing they need is to have to deal with a hysterical mother when they’re trying to take care of a baby.  So even though I may be freaking out internally, I try really hard to maintain calm and rational.

But when the nurse told me that, I started to tear up.  I knew that this was not good, that the fact that she had been on 2 antibiotics and the infection has still not cleared was troublesome.  And after talking to our doctor, I kind of freaked out more.  To be fair, he did tell me that it just might be a particularly strong/resistant infection and once we get it treated, it’ll be done and she’ll be fine.  But he’s worried about it.  He put her on a new antibiotic and scheduled for her to have an ultrasound done on her kidneys and bladder (which we did today).  He told me that the fact that this UTI is not responding to antibiotics is troublesome, especially since it’s not like Scar has been exposed to antibiotics before.  He said she probably will definitely be prone to UTIs and that we will have to watch her carefully.  He also scheduled for us to see a urology pediatrician at CHOC (the local children’s hospital).

I keep trying to stay calm, to not worry or get too anxious.  I keep reminding myself that it just might be a bad infection and that’s it.  That there’s nothing else wrong.  But I am scared.  I’m terrified that something is wrong with her kidneys, that she’s going to need extensive medical care, that she’s going to be sick and I cannot fix it.  And as hard as I try, I can feel the hysterical mom in me wanting to come out.

We should hear from the doctor tomorrow as to what the ultrasound showed.  It’s going to be a long 24 hours, waiting for his call.  But until I hear from him, I’m going to do everything in my power to keep that hysterical  mom at bay. But I don’t know how long I can hold out.